Children Who Talk to Themselves: A Sign of Intelligence or Emotional Distress?

I Hear My Child Talking to Themselves, Should I Worry?”

It usually starts in the other room. You hear your child muttering something while building with blocks, brushing their teeth, or just walking in circles. You pause and wonder:

• “Is this normal?”
• “Is it just imagination?”
• “Could it be anxiety or worse, something psychological?”

As a child psychologist, I hear these questions all the time. And here’s the truth:

Yes, children talking to themselves can be completely normal.

But sometimes, it’s a sign of deeper emotional distress that shouldn’t be ignored.

The tricky part? It depends on how, when, and why they’re doing it.

Some self-talk is a mark of intelligence—it helps with learning, problem-solving, and even emotional regulation. Other times, it’s a red flag. 

I’ve worked with kids whose self-talk turned aggressive, repetitive, or isolating, often pointing to anxiety, shame, or unmet emotional needs.

This article isn’t about guessing. It’s about helping you:

• Understand what healthy self-talk looks like,
  
• Spot when it turns into something concerning,
  
• And respond in a way that actually supports your child.

Let’s begin with what self-talk really is and what it means developmentally.

What Is Self-Talk in Children?

Self-talk is exactly what it sounds like: a child speaking their thoughts out loud, even when no one else is around. You might hear it during play, while doing homework, or when they’re processing emotions.

For younger kids, it often sounds like:

• “Now the red one goes here… no, wait… maybe not.”
  
• “Why did I do that? Ugh!”
  
• “Okay, okay, calm down.”
  

This kind of talk isn’t random. It’s part of how the brain develops.

When Self-Talk Is a Sign of Intelligence

Some of the brightest kids I’ve worked with? Constantly talk to themselves.

Not because they’re struggling, but because their brains are busy.

Here’s what healthy, intelligent self-talk often looks like:

• Narrating steps during a task (“First I draw the circle, then I colour it…”)
  
• Talking through problems before solving them
  
• Practising how to say something out loud before a conversation
  
• Using pretend play to explore emotions or outcomes
  

This kind of self-talk boosts:

• Focus
  
• Memory
  
• Emotional regulation
  
• Verbal reasoning
  

In fact, research shows that kids who use private speech often perform better in tasks that require planning and self-control.

So if your child is talking to themselves while creating, imagining, or figuring something out, that’s not a worry. That’s a strength.

When Self-Talk Could Be a Sign of Emotional Distress

Not all self-talk is helpful. Sometimes, it’s a child’s way of coping with feelings they don’t know how to express.

Here are signs that the self-talk might be coming from distress, not intelligence:

• 🔴 The tone is harsh or angry
  (“I’m so stupid,” “I always mess up.”)
• 🔴 It happens more during stress or conflict
  You hear it after a fight, a mistake, or a social interaction.
• 🔴 It’s repetitive or obsessive
  Saying the same phrase over and over, especially with visible tension.
• 🔴 It’s tied to shame or fear
  Whispering to themselves in the dark, or after being scolded.
  

I’ve had children in therapy who seemed calm on the outside, but were tearing themselves down privately. The self-talk wasn’t helping. It was hiding pain.

If your child’s self-talk sounds more self-critical than self-guiding, it’s worth paying closer attention.

What’s Typical and What’s Not (By Age)

Not all self-talk means the same thing; age matters. Here’s a quick guide to what’s usually normal and when it might be worth exploring further.

🟢 Ages 2–5: Completely Normal

At this stage, self-talk is part of play and learning. Kids talk to toys, narrate actions, or repeat words they’re practising. It helps them process the world.

✅ No concern unless it’s filled with distress or fear.

🟡 Ages 6–9: Still Common, but Evolving

Self-talk often shows up when solving problems or managing frustration. It may happen more quietly now.
Kids might also rehearse social situations (“Okay, I’ll say hi first, then sit…”).

✅ Healthy if it’s helping them think.
🔴 Watch if it becomes negative, anxious, or constant.

🔴 Ages 10+: Should Be More Internalised

By this age, most self-talk becomes internal. Talking aloud isn’t “bad,” but if it’s frequent, emotionally charged, or happening during isolation, it may be a sign of something deeper.

❗ Time to pay attention if it:

• Sounds critical or punishing
  
• Happens when the child is alone and upset
  
• Coexists with anxiety, school refusal, or withdrawal

How Parents Should Respond (Not React)

When you hear your child talking to themselves, your response matters more than you think.

Many parents either ignore it or shut it down: “Stop talking to yourself, that’s weird.”
Others lean in too fast “What’s wrong? Why are you saying that?”

Both can make a child feel self-conscious or misunderstood.

Here’s what actually helps:

1. Don’t interrupt or shame

Even if it sounds silly or emotional, let them finish. Self-talk often helps them feel in control.

2. Be curious, not corrective

Later, when things are calm, try:

“I heard you talking earlier, what were you working through?”
Not to pry, just to understand.

3. Reflect back the positive

If they’re self-encouraging, “I can do this”, say:

“I love how you coached yourself through that. That was smart.”

4. Gently name the negative

If it’s harsh, I’m dumb,” I mess everything up”, Respond calmly:

“It sounds like you were feeling frustrated. Want to talk about it?”

5. Give it space in therapy

If you’re concerned, bring it to a child psychologist.
In sessions, we don’t just focus on what they say, we explore why they need to say it out loud.

When to Seek Professional Support

Most self-talk in kids is harmless, even helpful.
But sometimes, it’s a quiet flag waving for your attention.

Here’s when to take it seriously:

It’s frequent, negative, or distressing

You hear phrases like “I’m so dumb,” “Nobody likes me,” or “I ruin everything”, especially during or after stressful moments.

It’s paired with other signs

Such as:

• Social withdrawal
  
• School refusal
  
• Irritability or meltdowns
  
• Perfectionism or low self-worth

It happens more in isolation

If your child talks harshly to themselves when they’re alone or hides it from others, it’s likely more emotional than developmental.

What therapy can do

In therapy, we listen for patterns, emotional tone, and repetition.
We help kids build a healthier internal dialogue—not by silencing their voice, but by guiding it gently.

Online sessions also work well, kids often open up more when they’re in their own space, without the pressure of a physical office.

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to get help.
Sometimes, small signs are how kids ask for support—without words.

Conclusion: Self-Talk Is a Signal, Not a Diagnosis

A child who talks to themselves isn’t broken. They’re thinking. Processing. Feeling.
Sometimes they’re building confidence.
Other times, they’re carrying something too big alone.

The key isn’t to panic.
It’s to observe.

Listen to how they speak when no one’s watching. That’s often where the truth lives.

Healthy self-talk builds emotional resilience.
Distress-driven self-talk? That’s a whisper for support.

If you’re not sure which one you’re hearing, trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to reach out.

✅ Need Help Understanding Your Child’s Behavior?

At PsychiCare, our licensed child psychologists work with children across all ages through online therapy that’s safe, supportive, and personalized.

🧠 From emotional struggles to self-esteem to anxiety, we help children find their voice—and use it kindly.

👉 Book a session today and get professional support, from the comfort of your home.

FAQs: Children Who Talk to Themselves

Is it normal for children to talk to themselves?

Yes, especially between ages 3 and 7. It helps with thinking, problem-solving, and emotional regulation. It’s called “private speech” and is a healthy part of development.

Can self-talk be a sign of intelligence?

Absolutely. Many bright children use self-talk to guide themselves through tasks, manage emotions, or practice social situations.

When should I worry about my child’s self-talk?

If it’s negative, angry, obsessive, or paired with anxiety, isolation, or low self-worth, it may be a sign of emotional distress. That’s when support from a child psychologist can help.

Is self-talk linked to autism or other disorders?

Sometimes. While not a symptom on its own, self-talk can appear alongside autism, trauma, anxiety, or ADHD. What matters is the tone, timing, and emotional context.

Should I try to stop my child from talking to themselves?

No. Unless it’s distressing or disruptive, self-talk is often helpful. Instead of stopping it, observe it. You may learn a lot about how your child processes their world.