You know your child. You’ve seen their moods, habits, and quirks for years. So when something suddenly shift, maybe they’re unusually quiet, constantly in their room, or just off your gut notices.
And then the questions start:
“Is this just teenage moodiness… or something more?”
“Am I overreacting?”
“Could they be using drugs or hiding something from me?”
With vaping, pills, edibles, and party drugs more accessible than ever, it’s not paranoia to be concerned. It’s awareness. And catching the signs early could be the difference between a passing experiment and a growing addiction.
In this guide, we’ll break down:
- 10 early signs your preteen or teen might be using substances
- How to talk to your child without pushing them away
- What to do next, including when to seek professional help
Let’s start with the signs.
10 Early Signs Your Child May Be Using Substances
These signs don’t always mean your child is using drugs or alcohol but they do mean something is going on. Whether it’s emotional distress, peer pressure, or substance use, these changes are signals worth noticing.
1. Sudden Mood Swings or Explosive Reactions
One minute they’re calm, the next they’re shouting or shutting down completely. If your child starts reacting in extreme or unpredictable ways, especially to small frustrations, it could be a red flag for substance use or emotional dysregulation.
⚠️ Watch for: sudden irritability, emotional numbness, or laughing inappropriately.
2. Withdrawing from Family and Old Friends
If they’re spending more time locked in their room, avoiding eye contact, or pulling away from close relationships, they might be hiding something. A common tactic among teens using substances is isolation, especially from those who might notice changes.
⚠️ Watch for: avoiding family dinners, ignoring calls/texts, or giving vague answers about their day.
3. Drastic Changes in Appearance or Hygiene
Kids don’t always dress up but if your child suddenly stops showering, wears the same clothes for days, or looks disheveled all the time, it could be more than just a lazy phase. Certain drugs (especially depressants or opioids) can reduce self-care motivation.
⚠️ Watch for: red eyes, persistent body odor, wearing long sleeves even in hot weather, or unusual smells (like smoke, chemical odor, or burnt plastic).
4. Secretive Behaviour and Locking Doors
Has your child become unusually private? Are they quick to hide their phone screen, shut their laptop, or get defensive when asked simple questions? Secretiveness about daily habits especially online or social interactions, can indicate they’re trying to hide risky behavior.
⚠️ Watch for: locked bedroom doors, erased text messages, or odd late-night phone activity.
5. Drop in Academic Performance
Substance use often causes concentration issues, lack of motivation, or missed classes. If a child who once did well in school suddenly starts failing, skipping assignments, or gets calls home from teachers, don’t ignore it.
⚠️ Watch for: falling grades, complaints from teachers, or a sudden disinterest in school altogether.
6. Unusual Eating or Sleeping Patterns
Stimulants (like Adderall or cocaine) can cause insomnia and appetite loss. Depressants (like alcohol or marijuana) may lead to sleeping more or late-night cravings.
⚠️ Watch for: being up all night, sleeping through the day, skipping meals, or binge eating.
7. Lying or Manipulative Behavior
You might notice your child’s stories don’t add up. They’re evasive about where they were, what they spent money on, or who they were with. This pattern of deception often increases with substance use.
⚠️ Watch for: excuses that feel too rehearsed, blaming others, or gaslighting (“You’re just being paranoid”).
8. Physical Health Issues
Substance use can take a toll on the body. While kids get sick sometimes, repeated physical symptoms without clear cause might point to something deeper.
⚠️ Watch for: frequent headaches, nosebleeds, shaking hands, bloodshot eyes, or unexplained weight loss/gain.
9. Money Disappearing or Stealing
If cash starts disappearing from wallets or you notice valuables going missing, it may be time to ask tough questions. Substance use can become expensive, and teens without income may start taking risks to fund it.
⚠️ Watch for: unexplained purchases, missing cash, or odd transactions on your card.
10. Sudden Change in Friends or Social Circles
If your child ditches longtime friends for a new crowd or refuses to let you meet their current group, it could be because they’re surrounding themselves with people who normalize or enable risky behavior.
⚠️ Watch for: no longer mentioning old friends, hanging out with older teens, or going places they won’t tell you about.
How to Talk to Your Child If You Suspect Substance Use
The way you approach your child can make the difference between a defensive shutdown and an honest conversation. Your goal isn’t to catch them, it’s to connect with them.
Here’s how to start:
1. Choose the Right Time
Don’t confront your child when emotions are high, they’re tired, or they’re in the middle of something. Pick a calm, quiet time, like during a drive, a walk, or when you’re both relaxed at home.
✅ Example: “Hey, can we talk for a few minutes after dinner? Just us.”
2. Use ‘I’ Statements Instead of Accusations
Saying “You’re lying to me!” or “You’re on drugs, aren’t you?” will instantly trigger defensiveness. Instead, focus on what you’re noticing and how it’s making you feel.
✅ Try: “I’ve noticed you’ve been really distant lately, and I’m worried something’s going on.”
3. Stay Calm, Even If You’re Scared
Your child might deny, lie, or lash out. They may also confess something you weren’t ready to hear. Stay steady. Your reaction tells them whether you’re a safe person to talk to.
✅ Say: “You don’t have to tell me everything now. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”
4. Ask, Don’t Lecture
Invite them into the conversation instead of dominating it. Give them space to talk even if it’s uncomfortable.
✅ Ask:
- “Have you ever felt pressured to try something?”
- “Is there something going on that’s been too hard to talk about?”
- “What would help you feel safe right now?”
5. Reassure Them of Your Love and Support
Make it clear that your concern is about them, not just their behavior. This builds trust.
✅ Say: “No matter what’s happening, I love you. We’ll get through this together.”
6. Set Healthy, Firm Boundaries
Love doesn’t mean allowing dangerous behavior. If you discover substance use, it’s okay to enforce rules and consequences but make sure they’re paired with empathy and support.
✅ Example: “We’re going to talk to a counselor about this, not to punish you, but to support you.”
What to Do If You Think Your Child Is Using Substances
Realising your child might be using drugs or alcohol is overwhelming but you’re not powerless. These next steps can help you move from fear into focused action.
1. Don’t Panic, Stay Strategic
Your child needs calm, present leadership, not panic or punishment. Take a breath. Write down what you’ve observed and gather any concrete signs (e.g., paraphernalia, smells, changes in mood or behavior).
✅ Document patterns over time. This helps in conversations and with professionals.
2. Have the Conversation (Even If It’s Hard)
Use the tips from the last section and talk to them. You don’t need all the answers before you begin, you just need to show up with honesty, concern, and love.
✅ Say: “I’m not here to punish you. I’m here to help you figure this out, together.”
3. Bring in a Mental Health Professional
If your child shuts down, denies everything, or the issue seems beyond you, get support early. You don’t have to wait until things spiral.
🧠 Consider professional help when you notice:
- Repeated lying or risky behavior
- Clear signs of depression or anxiety
- Substance use impacting school or safety
✅ Explore child & adolescent therapy with PsychiCare for confidential, expert care.
4. Get a Full Evaluation (Medical or Psychological)
You can speak to your child’s school counselor, pediatrician, or a licensed therapist to assess what’s going on. If needed, you can also request a drug screening but only after careful, non-threatening discussion.
5. Explore School and Community Support
Reach out to teachers, coaches, or trusted adults who may have insight or influence. Look into local teen programs, support groups, or digital platforms for recovery support if needed.
6. Remove Easy Access
If you’ve found substances in the home, remove them. If they’re getting it through friends, phones, or apps, monitor technology more closely without resorting to total surveillance that shuts down trust.
7. Take Care of Yourself Too
You can’t help your child if you’re running on guilt, fear, or exhaustion. This isn’t your fault and you’re not alone.
✅ Join a parent support group, seek therapy, or talk to your partner/family.
✅ Take breaks to protect your own mental health.
How to Prevent Substance Use and Build Emotional Safety at Home
You can’t control everything your child faces out in the world but you can shape the kind of environment they come home to. Prevention isn’t just about rules, it’s about connection, trust, and resilience.
1. Make Emotional Check-Ins a Habit
Don’t wait for something to go wrong. Ask how they’re really feeling regularly. Many teens turn to substances not out of rebellion, but to escape anxiety, sadness, or peer pressure.
✅ Ask casually: “You seemed a little off today. Wanna talk, or just hang out for a bit?”
2. Model Healthy Coping Skills
Kids learn more from what you do than what you say. If they see you numbing stress with alcohol or always avoiding hard conversations, they may mirror that.
✅ Let them see you:
- Take breaks when overwhelmed
- Talk about feelings openly
- Handle conflict calmly
3. Talk Early, Talk Often
Start age-appropriate conversations about drugs, vaping, alcohol, and peer pressure before they’re exposed and keep them going over time.
✅ Example: “If someone offered you something you weren’t sure about at a party, what would you do?”
4. Help Them Build an Identity Beyond Peer Pressure
Kids with strong interests sports, music, art, coding, even gaming have more to fall back on when pressured. Encourage their passions and make them feel seen for who they are, not just what they do.
5. Create Clear Boundaries (With Room for Grace)
Set expectations, but leave space for mistakes. Teens need to know there are consequences, but they also need to know your love doesn’t depend on their perfection.
✅ Example: “I expect you to be honest with me. If something’s ever too big for you to handle alone, I want to be the first person you call.”
6. Stay Involved Without Smothering
Know where they are, who they’re with, and what’s going on but give them some autonomy too. Over-surveillance can push teens into secrecy.
✅ Try: “I trust you, and I want to keep trusting you. Let’s work on keeping that trust strong.”
❤️ Final Thought: You’re Not Overreacting, You’re Being a Parent
If your gut says something isn’t right, it’s worth paying attention. You’re not being paranoid. You’re being involved.
Substance use doesn’t make your child a “bad kid” it means they’re struggling. The earlier you step in with love, structure, and support, the more likely they are to heal and grow.
If you feel like you’re out of your depth, don’t wait.
👉 PsychiCare’s child & teen therapists are here to help with compassionate, professional guidance for families just like yours.
FAQ: Early Signs of Substance Use in Teens
How do I talk to my teen about drugs without lecturing?
Talk to your teen about drugs by using calm, non-judgmental language. Focus on how you feel, ask open-ended questions, and listen without interrupting. Keep it a two-way conversation, not a lecture.
When should I start talking to my child about drugs?
Start talking to your child about drugs around age 10–11. Use simple, age-appropriate language and build on it as they grow. Don’t wait for a problem to start the conversation.
How can I tell if my teen is using drugs?
You can tell if your teen is using drugs by watching for mood swings, changes in friends, poor hygiene, secrecy, or slipping grades. Multiple signs together may indicate a problem.
Is it normal for teens to vape just for flavor?
No, even flavored vapes can contain nicotine and harmful chemicals. Many “nicotine-free” vapes still damage lung and brain health in teens.
Should I drug test my teen at home?
Drug testing your teen is best done with their awareness and consent. It should support a plan for recovery, not be used as punishment or control.
What are good refusal skills for teens?
Good refusal skills for teens include saying “No thanks,” giving an excuse like “My parents would kill me,” or walking away. Practicing these in advance builds confidence.
How do I get help if my child is addicted?
If your child is addicted, start with a mental health professional or pediatrician. You can also reach out to teen counseling services like PsychiCare for therapy and family support.
