Reviewed and updated by a sexologist for accuracy on December 06, 2025.

As a sexologist, I meet many people who quietly ask the same question:
“Why am I not interested in sex anymore?”

Some say they love their partner deeply but feel no sexual attraction. Some notice their sexual feelings have faded suddenly. Others realise they are avoiding intimacy without fully understanding why.

Losing interest in sex can feel confusing, scary, or even embarrassing but it is far more common than you think. Your sexual desire is not fixed; it changes with your emotions, stress levels, hormones, health, relationship quality, and even your nervous system. When one of these areas feels overloaded, your desire naturally drops.

Low sexual desire, also known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is a common sexual problem that can affect people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations. It is estimated that 10-15% of women and 5-10% of men experience HSDD at some point in their lives.

There is no single cause of low sexual desire. It can be caused by a combination of physical, psychological, and cultural factors.

Understanding What Low Sexual Desire Really Means

Low sexual desire doesn’t always mean something is wrong with your body or your relationship. Sexual interest naturally rises and falls throughout life. Stress, health, hormones, emotions, and even daily routines influence how much or how little you feel like being intimate.

Sometimes desire fades slowly. Sometimes it disappears suddenly. Sometimes it shifts only with a particular partner. All these patterns are normal. What matters is how you feel about the change.

Low sexual desire simply means your mind or body is signalling that something needs attention, rest, emotional safety, connection, healing, or clarity. Once you understand the reasons behind the change, it becomes much easier to address it without fear, shame, or self-doubt.

A Quick Self-Check: What Could Be Affecting Your Desire?

If you’re not interested in sex lately, start by asking yourself a few simple questions. These help you understand whether the cause is emotional, physical, or related to your relationship.

Ask yourself:

• Am I feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or mentally exhausted?
• Have I been anxious, low, or emotionally numb recently?
• Is my sleep poor or inconsistent?
• Am I taking any new medication?
• Have I noticed hormonal or body changes?
• Do I feel disconnected from my partner?
• Is there unresolved conflict or resentment between us?
• Do I feel unattractive or uncomfortable in my body?
• Am I dealing with trauma, fear, or painful past experiences?
• Do I feel pressured to have sex rather than relaxed and safe?

You don’t need to have all the answers right now. The goal is simply to notice what stands out; your patterns give the first clues to why desire feels low.

Psychological & Emotional Reasons Your Sex Desire Drops

Your mind plays a major role in how much sexual interest you feel. When you’re emotionally overloaded, your brain naturally turns down desire to protect you.

Common emotional reasons for low sexual desire:

• Stress that keeps your mind too busy to feel intimate
• Anxiety that turns sexual situations into pressure instead of pleasure
• Depression or low mood, which lowers energy and emotional openness
• Emotional exhaustion from work, caregiving, or life demands
• Overthinking, which shuts down spontaneous desire
• Low self-esteem or body image issues that reduce confidence during intimacy
• Past trauma, including negative or uncomfortable sexual experiences
• Feeling unsafe or unsettled in your environment or relationship
• Mental burnout, where your brain prioritises survival over sexuality

Emotional balance is one of the strongest predictors of sexual desire. When your mind feels overloaded, your libido naturally quiets down.

Physical Causes of Low Sexual Desire

Your body has a direct influence on how much sexual interest you feel. When your health, hormones, or energy levels shift, your libido often changes with them.

Common physical reasons for low sexual desire:

• Hormonal changes (period cycle, pregnancy, postpartum, menopause, low testosterone)
• Chronic illnesses such as thyroid issues, diabetes, heart disease, or autoimmune conditions
• Medication side effects, especially antidepressants, birth control, BP medicines, and allergy drugs
• Fatigue or poor sleep, which lowers arousal and emotional availability
• Pain or discomfort during sex, causing your body to avoid intimacy for protection
• Postpartum recovery, breastfeeding, or healing after delivery
• Menopause or perimenopause, leading to dryness, discomfort, or hormonal shifts
• Low energy levels from nutrient deficiencies, stress, or overwork
• Substance use, including alcohol, smoking, or recreational drugs

Your body often sends signals before your mind understands what’s happening. Low desire is one of those signals, an invitation to slow down and check in with your physical health.

How Your Nervous System Affects Your Sexual Desire

Your nervous system decides whether your body feels safe enough to experience sexual desire. When your brain senses stress, danger, or emotional overload, it automatically turns off libido, even if nothing is “wrong” in your relationship.

How your nervous system lowers desire:

• When you feel stressed or pressured, your body shifts into survival mode, not intimacy.
• Fight-or-flight activation makes arousal difficult because your brain thinks you need protection, not pleasure.
• Chronic stress hormones like cortisol reduce the hormones needed for desire and arousal.
• If you feel overwhelmed, your brain may create a shutdown response, making you numb or uninterested in sex.
• Lack of emotional safety even small disagreements, can reduce the feeling of closeness needed for intimacy.
• Your body may avoid sex automatically if previous experiences created discomfort or fear.

Sexual desire grows in a regulated nervous system – one that feels calm, safe, and connected. When your body relaxes, desire often returns naturally.

Relationship Factors That Quiet Your Sexual Desire

Even in loving relationships, emotional dynamics can lower sexual interest. Desire depends heavily on connection, trust, and emotional safety, not just physical attraction.

Common relationship reasons for low sexual desire:

• Feeling emotionally disconnected, even if you care deeply about each other
• Unresolved conflict or resentment that quietly builds tension
• Lack of communication about needs, expectations, or feelings
• Feeling unappreciated or unseen, leading to emotional shutdown
• Routine and predictability, which reduce excitement over time
• Trust issues, big or small, that take away emotional safety
• Feeling pressured to have sex instead of desired
• Different intimacy needs, creating stress rather than closeness
• Caring roles, like parenting or caregiving, shifting emotional energy away from intimacy

Healthy sexual desire grows in an environment where both partners feel connected, valued, and emotionally safe. When the relationship feels strained, desire often retreats.

When You Don’t Feel Attracted to Your Partner Anymore, What It Really Means

Losing sexual attraction to your partner can feel frightening or confusing, especially when you still care about them. But attraction doesn’t disappear overnight for no reason. It usually fades because something deeper is happening in your mind, your body, or the relationship, not because the relationship is broken.

Common reasons attraction fades:

• Emotional distance, even if you still love each other
• Stress or pressure, which makes your mind unavailable for intimacy
• Unresolved hurt or resentment that quietly blocks desire
• Feeling overwhelmed, leaving no energy for sexual connection
• Body image struggles, making it hard to feel free or confident
• Routine or predictability, reducing excitement and novelty
• Fear of conflict, which pushes the body into protective mode instead of arousal
• Loss of emotional safety, even in small ways
• Mental exhaustion, making physical closeness feel draining instead of warm

Attraction grows from emotional presence, safety, and connection, not just physical looks. When those foundations weaken, desire often softens too. The good news is that attraction can return once emotional and mental space is rebuilt.

Why Women Lose Interest in Sex

Women’s sexual desire is closely tied to emotional balance, hormonal shifts, and overall mental load. When any of these areas feel heavy, desire naturally decreases, sometimes suddenly, sometimes gradually.

Common reasons women lose interest in sex:

• Hormonal changes related to the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, postpartum, or menopause
• Stress overload, especially from juggling work, home, parenting, and emotional responsibilities
• Mental fatigue, which makes intimacy feel like one more task
• Low body confidence or feeling disconnected from one’s body
• Pain or discomfort during sex, including dryness or tension
• Birth control changes, which may lower libido in some women
• Emotional disconnection, making physical intimacy feel forced
• Negative past experiences or unresolved trauma
• Feeling unappreciated or unseen, lowering emotional closeness

Women’s desire rarely disappears “without reason.” It simply responds to the emotional and physical demands placed on them. When those demands ease or get support, desire often returns naturally.

Why Men Lose Interest in Sex

Although many people assume men always want sex, men experience low desire just as often as women; it just goes unspoken. Sexual interest in men is deeply affected by stress, emotional pressure, hormonal shifts, and relationship dynamics.

Common reasons men lose interest in sex:

• Chronic stress, which lowers testosterone and blocks arousal
• Low testosterone, naturally or due to medical conditions
• Performance pressure, creating anxiety instead of desire
• Mental burnout, where the mind shuts down intimacy to conserve energy
• Relationship stress, conflict, or feeling criticised
• Porn overuse, which can reduce excitement during real intimacy
• Fatigue or lack of sleep, making the body unresponsive
• Health issues such as diabetes, thyroid problems, obesity, or high blood pressure
• Medication side effects, especially antidepressants
• Emotional disconnection, which makes physical closeness feel heavy
• Unspoken insecurities, which quietly weaken confidence and sexual drive

Men don’t lose desire because they’re “not interested” in their partner. Most of the time, their body or mind simply feels overwhelmed, and desire returns once that pressure eases.

Low Desire vs. Sexual Avoidance, They Are Not the Same

Many people think they have “low sex drive” when they are actually avoiding sex for emotional or psychological reasons. These are two different experiences, and understanding the difference can help you figure out what your body is trying to tell you.

Low desire usually means:

• You don’t feel sexual thoughts or sexual urges
• Your body feels neutral or uninterested
• Sex rarely crosses your mind
• You aren’t avoiding your partner; you just don’t feel desire

Sexual avoidance usually means:

• You feel tense, anxious, or pressured when intimacy comes up
• You avoid touch or closeness out of fear, discomfort, or overwhelm
• You worry about performance, judgment, or rejection
• You feel emotionally unsafe or stressed in the moment
• Sex feels like something to “get through” rather than enjoy

Why this matters:

When you know whether the issue is desire or avoidance, the solution becomes clearer:

• If it’s low desire, support usually begins with health, hormones, stress, and emotional balance.
• If it’s avoidance, support often focuses on safety, communication, anxiety, or past experiences.

You’re not alone in either experience; both are treatable and completely valid.

When It’s Completely Normal to Not Be Interested in Sex

It’s important to remember that sexual desire isn’t constant. There are many times in life when having little or no interest in sex is completely normal.

It’s normal when:

• You’re going through a stressful period
• You’re emotionally tired or mentally overloaded
• You’re recovering from illness or medical treatment
• You’re adjusting to postpartum changes or new routines
• You feel temporarily disconnected from your partner
• You’re experiencing hormonal shifts
• You simply don’t feel in the mood, without a specific reason

Sexual desire is not a measure of your worth, your relationship strength, or your health. It’s just one part of your emotional and physical rhythm, and it changes as your life changes. What matters most is whether the change concerns you or impacts your wellbeing.

What Helps When You Have No Sexual Feelings at All

When sexual desire feels completely absent, the goal isn’t to force it back; it’s to create the conditions that allow your mind and body to feel safe, calm, and connected again. Small changes can make a real difference.

Things that genuinely help:

• Reduce stress load, even in small ways. Stress is one of the biggest libido blockers
• Improve sleep quality, as fatigue directly lowers desire
• Check your medications, especially antidepressants and hormonal treatments
• Address any pain or discomfort, so your body stops associating sex with tension
• Rebuild emotional closeness, not sexual pressure
• Add affection without expectation, like holding hands, hugging, or gentle touch
• Limit comparison, especially through porn or unrealistic expectations
• Talk openly with your partner about comfort, pressure, and timing
• Create more rest in your routine, so your nervous system can relax
• Move your body regularly, which boosts hormones linked to desire
• Give yourself permission to pause, instead of forcing intimacy
• Seek therapy if emotions, trauma, or relationship patterns feel heavy

Desire returns most easily when your body feels safe, and your mind feels emotionally supported, not when you push yourself to “fix it.”

Asexuality vs. Low Desire: Understanding the Difference

Some people worry that having no interest in sex means they “must be asexual.” But asexuality and low sexual desire are not the same thing. Understanding the difference helps you avoid unnecessary fear or confusion.

Asexuality is:

• A long-term, natural lack of sexual attraction to others
• Not caused by stress, hormones, emotions, or medical issues
• A valid sexual orientation
• Something people often recognise in themselves over time

Low desire is:

• A temporary or recent change in sexual interest
• Often linked to stress, health, hormones, or relationship patterns
• Something that may come and go throughout life
• Improveable with support or small lifestyle adjustments

You don’t need to label yourself.

If your lack of interest in sex feels new, unusual, or different from your past patterns, it’s likely low desire, not asexuality. Both experiences are common and valid, and neither means something is “wrong” with you.

How to talk to your doctor about low sexual desire

Talking to your doctor about low sexual desire can be difficult, but it is important to remember that they are there to help you. Here are a few tips:

• Be honest and open about your symptoms and concerns.
• Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
• Be prepared to discuss your medical history, medications, and lifestyle habits.
• Be patient and persistent. It may take some time to find the right treatment for you.

Remember, you are not alone. Many people experience low sexual desire at some point in their lives. There is no shame in asking for help.

If you are not interested in sex, there are other ways to express intimacy and love. You can cuddle, kiss, hug, and spend time together talking and laughing. You can also engage in non-sexual activities that you enjoy together.

Some people choose to live celibate lives. Celibacy is the practice of abstaining from sexual activity. There are many reasons why people choose to be celibate, such as religious beliefs, personal values, or a lack of interest in sex.

When to Seek Support From a Sexologist

You don’t need to see a therapist just because your desire has changed, but there are moments when support makes the process easier, clearer, and less overwhelming. Talking to a professional can help you understand what’s happening in your mind, body, and relationship without any judgement.

It may be time to seek help if:

• Your low sexual desire is causing stress or confusion
• You feel guilty, pressured, or ashamed about not wanting sex
• You’re worried your relationship is being affected
• You feel no sexual attraction toward your partner and don’t understand why
• You avoid intimacy because of fear, discomfort, or past experiences
• Your desire changed suddenly and feels “not like you”
• You have pain, anxiety, or medical issues related to sex
• Nothing you try seems to help
• You want guidance or clarity from a specialist

At PsychiCare, our online sex therapists help individuals and couples explore desire changes with sensitivity and understanding. Therapy provides a safe space to talk about your feelings, identify the root causes, and find practical steps that support both emotional and sexual wellbeing.

Conclusion

Losing interest in sex can feel confusing, frustrating, or even scary, but it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your relationship. Sexual desire changes for many reasons, stress, health, hormones, emotions, or simply the pace of life. Your body isn’t failing you; it’s communicating with you.

Once you understand what’s affecting your desire, it becomes much easier to respond with care instead of pressure. Small emotional shifts, healthier routines, better communication, and gentle support often bring clarity and balance back into your intimate life.

And if this change feels heavy, overwhelming, or difficult to handle on your own, speaking with a therapist can make the journey easier and far less lonely. You deserve a relationship with sex and intimacy that feels safe, calm, and aligned with who you are today.

FAQs

Why am I not getting sexual feelings?

Not getting sexual feelings often comes from stress, emotional overload, hormonal changes, or feeling disconnected from your partner. Your mind and body enter a protective mode, which naturally lowers desire.

Why am I not interested in sex anymore?

Not being interested in sex anymore usually happens when your emotional, physical, or relationship needs feel unmet. Stress, fatigue, low mood, medical issues, or unresolved tension can all reduce sexual desire.

Is it normal to not want sex?

Yes, it is normal to not want sex at certain times in life. Desire naturally rises and falls with stress, hormones, sleep, emotional closeness, and overall wellbeing.

Why am I not attracted to my partner sexually?

Not feeling sexually attracted to your partner often comes from emotional distance, stress, routine, resentment, or unresolved conflict. Attraction depends heavily on emotional safety and connection, not only physical appearance.

Why do women lose interest in sex?

Women lose interest in sex due to hormonal shifts, stress, mental load, body image concerns, pain, and lack of emotional closeness. Women’s desire is strongly influenced by emotional and physical balance.

Why do men lose interest in sex?

Men lose interest in sex because of stress, performance pressure, low testosterone, fatigue, relationship tension, or porn overuse. These factors reduce arousal even when attraction remains.

Can stress reduce sexual desire?

Yes, stress reduces sexual desire by lowering arousal hormones and activating the body’s fight-or-flight response. When your mind feels overloaded, your libido naturally shuts down.

What helps increase sexual desire naturally?

Increasing sexual desire naturally involves lowering stress, improving sleep, rebuilding emotional closeness, addressing pain or medical issues, creating pressure-free intimacy, and taking care of your mental health.

Is it possible to fix low sex drive in a relationship?

Yes. Low sex drive in a relationship can improve when emotional closeness is rebuilt, communication becomes honest and gentle, stress is reduced, and both partners understand each other’s needs without pressure.