Updated: November 2025 · Improved step-by-step guidance and emotional processing detail.
Maybe you’ve gone through a breakup, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about your ex. Even when you’re busy at home, in college or the office, or out with friends, their name keeps echoing in your mind.
Or maybe it’s unrequited love. You know you can’t have them, yet you find yourself daydreaming, checking their Insta late at night, or replaying conversations over and over. Thinking about someone constantly can feel like a trap, draining your focus, your energy, and even your sleep.
If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?” or “How do I stop thinking about her?” – this guide is for you. We’ll break down the psychology of why these thoughts feel so obsessive, and explore 7 proven tips on how to stop thinking about someone, so you can finally take your mind back.
Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About Him or Her?
You can not stop thinking about someone because you might have strong feelings for them, cherish shared memories, or have unresolved issues. On the other hand, obsessive thoughts can be distressing and disrupt your daily life. Uncertainty, loss, and unspoken emotions can all contribute to this.
Here are some reasons why you might be struggling to stop thinking about him or her:
– You’re still in love with them
– You’re feeling lonely or bored
– You’re not over the breakup
– You’re idealizing the relationship or your ex-partner
– You’re struggling with closure
– You’re experiencing trauma bonding
– You’re comparing yourself to others
– You’re struggling with obsessive thoughts or anxiety
7 Reasons You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone
When someone stays on your mind, it’s not random. Your brain is running a loop, and that loop has triggers. Here are seven powerful reasons you may be stuck with their thoughts, with working examples.
1. You’re Still in Love
Love creates strong neural pathways in the brain, powered by dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals don’t just vanish after a breakup. That’s why you can be sitting in class or in a meeting at work, and suddenly feel like a pain and a thought about them. Your brain hasn’t caught up to the new reality yet.
2. No Closure After Breakup
Ghosting is common in 2025. Maybe they left your DMs on read, stopped replying, or ended things suddenly over text. With no explanation, your mind plays detective, replaying every detail to find answers. This lack of closure is one of the biggest reasons people obsess long after it’s over.
3. Unrequited Love You Can’t Have
Crushing on someone who doesn’t like you back or someone who’s already with someone else can feel even more consuming than a real relationship. Why? Because your brain craves what it can’t have. The “what if” fantasy becomes stronger than reality.
4. Trauma Bonding
Not all relationships are healthy. If you were in a cycle of intense highs and painful lows, your brain learned to depend on the rush of adrenaline and dopamine. This trauma bonding can make you miss someone even when they hurt you because your body is addicted to the cycle. It makes you keep worrying about them.
5. Idealising the Past
Memory is tricky. Instead of replaying the fights, your brain highlights the sweet moments: that late-night call, the trip you took together, or the way they smiled at you. This selective memory paints an unrealistic picture, making it harder to let go.
6. Loneliness and Emptiness
Sometimes it’s not even about them. When you’re alone at night, between classes, or after work, the quiet moments invite old thoughts back in. Loneliness creates a vacuum, and the mind fills it with someone familiar, even if they’re no longer in your life. It’s okay, do not reject those thoughts, live them and forget them. Do not act on them.
7. Digital Reminders in 2025
Unlike past generations, you can’t just put away photos and move on. Today, your phone won’t let you forget: Insta stories, Snap streaks, TikTok trends, and even AI-generated “memory notifications” keep showing you their face. Each digital reminder pulls you back into the loop.
🔗 Related read: Karmic Relationships
7 Proven Psychology Tips to Stop Thinking About Someone
When your mind is stuck on someone, it’s not about willpower; it’s about rewiring your brain. These strategies combine psychology with real-world steps so you can break the loop instead of fighting it.
1. Don’t Fight the Thoughts – Redirect Them
Why it happens: The harder you push away a thought, the stronger it bounces back. Psychologists call this the ironic rebound effect.
What to do:
- Acknowledge the thought instead of denying it: “Yes, I’m thinking about them again.”
- Redirect into action immediately – write one sentence in a notebook, switch to a playlist, or stand up and do something physical.
- Repeat this consistently until your brain learns a new “default move.”
How it helps: You stop fueling the obsession by resisting it. Instead, you weaken it by replacing the loop.
2. Cut Off Digital Triggers
Why it happens: Social media algorithms are designed to keep you hooked. The more you stalk, the more the platform shows you their face. Each notification acts like a dopamine hit – the same chemical system as addiction.
What to do:
- Mute or unfollow them (no shame in it – it’s self-protection).
- Delete old chats and clear your “memories” folder.
- Replace doomscrolling with a new feed: follow pages that motivate you (fitness, learning, travel).
How it helps: By removing constant reminders, you cut down on emotional relapses and give your brain fewer opportunities to spiral.
3. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Why it happens: The brain processes heartbreak like physical pain – studies show similar brain regions light up. Suppressing emotions keeps the wound active.
What to do:
- Set aside “grief time” – 15 minutes a day to write, cry, or even talk to yourself about what hurts.
- Use expressive writing: write down the raw truth without editing.
- If crying feels impossible, use music, films, or art that allows emotions to surface.
How it helps: By grieving intentionally, you release pressure instead of carrying it everywhere. The thoughts stop being constant intrusions.
4. Practice Self-Compassion, Not Blame
Why it happens: Self-blame activates the brain’s threat system (cortisol, stress). Compassion activates the soothing system (oxytocin, calm). That’s why kindness works better than criticism.
What to do:
- When the thought comes, reframe: instead of “I’m pathetic for thinking about them”, try “Healing takes time, and it’s okay to struggle.”
- Practice guided self-compassion meditations (free on YouTube).
- Keep a “kind notes” list where you remind yourself of progress made.
How it helps: Compassion reduces shame, which is often what keeps obsessive thoughts alive.
5. Fill the Empty Space With Growth
Why it happens: Thoughts rush in when the brain is under-stimulated. Rumination loves silence.
What to do:
- Start a new skill that demands focus like coding, a language app, or guitar lessons.
- Use the “replacement rule”: every time you want to text or stalk them, replace it with a 10-minute activity (push-ups, cooking, journaling).
- Create micro-goals for each week (run 5 km, finish a course module, cook a new recipe).
How it helps: You’re giving your brain new loops to obsess over loops that actually build your future.
6. Lean on Supportive People
Why it happens: Isolation amplifies intrusive thoughts. Social connection lowers stress hormones and gives perspective.
What to do:
- Share your struggles honestly with one trusted person.
- Join online communities where people are navigating the same pain.
- Avoid venting with people who gossip or judge as it reinforces the obsession.
How it helps: Talking creates relief. Instead of carrying the loop alone, you let others break it for you.
7. Know When to Seek Therapy
Why it happens: Sometimes obsessive thoughts are symptoms of something deeper — anxiety, trauma bonding, or unresolved grief. Without intervention, they can last for years.
What to do:
- Notice the red flags: lack of sleep, poor concentration, repeating the same patterns for months.
- Seek therapy online if in-person feels overwhelming. Many platforms now allow text-based or video therapy from home.
- Consider CBT or trauma-focused therapy, both proven to break obsessive cycles.
How it helps: Therapy isn’t about erasing memories; it’s about breaking the hold they have over you. With guidance, healing accelerates.
What It Means When Someone Is Always on Your Mind
When someone keeps showing up in your thoughts, it’s tempting to believe it must mean something. Maybe you’ve even heard the popular idea: “If you can’t stop thinking about someone, it’s because they’re thinking about you too.”
Here’s the truth: there’s no scientific proof for that. Obsessive thoughts are more about what’s happening in your own mind than in theirs.
Some psychology-backed reasons why someone is always on your mind:
- Unfinished emotions → Your brain craves closure, so it replays the past to “solve” what was left unsaid.
- Attachment bonds → Oxytocin and dopamine reinforce feelings of closeness, making it hard to detach.
- Memory triggers → A song, a smell, or even an Insta memory notification can bring them back instantly.
- Stress and anxiety → When life feels heavy, your brain fixates on familiar faces for comfort, even if it hurts.
Thinking about someone doesn’t mean they’re sending you “signals.” It means your brain is still processing the bond. And the more you fight it, the more it lingers which is why learning to redirect your focus is key.
👉 Related read: Why Does Love Hurt?
How to Stop Thinking About an Ex You Loved Deeply
Letting go of an ex isn’t just about deleting their number anymore. They linger in your digital life, old Insta highlights, Snap streaks that suddenly ended, playlists you made together, or even your phone serving you “memories” you didn’t ask for. That’s why moving on feels harder than it should.
Here’s how to start breaking the loop:
- Mute the algorithm → If you keep watching their stories or checking their likes, platforms will keep pushing their content at you. Unfollow, mute, or block if you need space.
- Redesign your digital space → Archive photos, change your lock screen or playlist, and stop feeding apps that pull up their face unexpectedly. Control the reminders.
- Replace late-night scrolling → Nights are the danger zone. Instead of checking their profile before bed, create a new ritual: journaling, reading, or listening to calming audio.
- Ground yourself when the urge hits → If you feel like texting them, pause and write the message in your notes instead. By the time you re-read it, the urge usually passes.
- Lean on safe people → Talk to a friend who understands, join online communities where others share their stories, or spend more time with family. Healing happens faster when you’re not isolated.
Heartbreak feels endless at first, but you can train your mind out of the loop. Each time you take control of your space, routines, and thoughts, the bond weakens a little more. Eventually, they become a chapter in your story, not the whole book.
How to Stop Dwelling on Your Ex: Tips For Women
Here are some tips for women to help you stop dwelling on your ex:
1. Cut off all contact with your ex, including unfollowing them on social media.
2. Surround yourself with positive friends and family who support you.
3. Take up a new hobby or activity to keep yourself busy and distracted.
4. Practice self-care and focus on what makes you happy.
5. Seek professional help if necessary.
How to Stop Dwelling on Your Ex: Tips For Men
Here are some tips for men to help you stop dwelling on your ex:
1. Avoid any reminders of your ex, such as old photos or gifts.
2. Stay busy with work, hobbies, and spending time with friends.
3. Exercise regularly to release endorphins and boost your mood.
4. Try new things and take risks to keep yourself engaged and focused on your future.
5. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor if needed.
Therapy and Healing: When to Seek Help
Sometimes, no matter how many self-help steps you try, thoughts of someone won’t let go. They creep into your mornings, distract you at work, keep you awake at night. When this happens, it may not just be heartbreak; it could be obsessive thinking, anxiety, or unresolved trauma.
Here are some signs it might be time to seek professional help:
- You think about them so much that studies, work, or family life are suffering.
- You feel stuck in a cycle of stalking their Insta, checking old messages, or replaying memories daily.
- You can’t imagine a future without them, even when you know the relationship is over.
- You feel anxious, depressed, or hopeless because of these thoughts.
💡 How therapy helps:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) → Teaches you how to challenge thought loops and replace them with healthier patterns.
- Mindfulness-Based Therapy → Helps you stay present instead of drifting into memories or “what if” fantasies.
- Trauma Therapy (EMDR, Somatic work) → If your attachment was tied to betrayal, abuse, or toxic bonding, trauma-focused therapy helps break the emotional addiction.
- Grief Counseling → Supports you in processing the loss without getting stuck in it.
Talking to a therapist doesn’t erase the love or the memories. What it does is give you tools to manage the obsession, set boundaries, and rebuild a life where your mind is your own again.
At PsychiCare, we offer International Online Therapy and specialized Sex Therapy and Counselling sessions, so you don’t have to carry this weight alone. Healing is possible, sometimes all it takes is the right support.
How to Stop Thinking About Someone – Final Thoughts
Thinking about someone non-stop can feel like a battle you never signed up for. Whether it’s an ex, a crush, or someone you lost, your brain holds on because that bond was meaningful. But slowly, with the right strategies, you can loosen the grip and make space for peace again.
Remember, it’s not about erasing memories, it’s about learning to live beyond them. If your thoughts still feel overwhelming, reaching out for therapy can give you tools to heal faster and more deeply.
Takeaway
At PsychiCare, we believe in the transformative power of “letting go.” It’s not just a saying; it’s a profound process of freeing ourselves from negativity and creating space for growth and healing.
At PsychiCare, we empower you to let go and embark on a journey of healing and growth. Our skilled therapists offer online therapy that helps you release negativity, embrace self-compassion, and explore new possibilities. Let go and embrace the transformative power of healing with PsychiCare.
F.A.Q.
How to stop thinking about someone I love deeply?
When you love someone deeply, your brain forms strong attachment loops that don’t break overnight. To stop thinking about them, create distance by muting them on Insta, archiving old chats, and avoiding reminders. Replace late-night scrolling with journaling, reading, or calming audio. Filling your life with new habits and supportive people helps redirect energy. If the thoughts remain overwhelming, therapy such as CBT can help you challenge and reduce rumination while guiding you toward recovery.
How to stop obsessively thinking about someone?
Obsessive thoughts are different from casual memories; they feel intrusive and demanding. To break the cycle, cut down digital triggers like their social media presence. Externalize the loop by journaling the same thought until it loses its power. Practice grounding techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness. If obsession affects your sleep or focus, CBT or mindfulness-based therapy can provide structured ways to challenge distorted thoughts and reduce their grip.
What should I do if someone hurt me and I can’t stop thinking about it?
When someone hurts you, your brain replays the moment, trying to make sense of it. This cycle can feel endless. Instead of suppressing it, acknowledge the pain and express it through journaling or unsent letters. Practice forgiveness, not for them, but for your own peace. Talking to a trusted person or therapist can help process the emotions. Trauma-focused therapy is especially useful for breaking the mental replay of painful events and finding closure.
How to stop thinking about someone and focus on my studies?
Studying feels impossible when your working memory is crowded with thoughts of someone. Use short study sprints (Pomodoro method: 25 minutes focus, 5 minutes break). Keep your phone away or use apps that block social media during study time. When intrusive thoughts come up, redirect with quick resets – journaling, stretching, or a few deep breaths. Reward yourself for completing focus sessions. If distractions persist for weeks, counseling or academic therapy can help retrain your concentration.
What can I do to stop missing someone all the time?
Missing someone activates the same brain circuits as withdrawal. To cope, limit reminders like playlists, photos, or daily Insta checks. Create new daily anchors – a morning walk, a new class, or hobbies that demand focus. When missing them feels overwhelming, practice grounding by noticing your surroundings and connecting with your body. Talking to supportive friends or a counselor helps normalize the feelings. Over time, your brain adapts, and the intensity of missing them eases.
How do I stop constantly thinking about someone?
Constant thoughts mean your brain hasn’t fully released the attachment. To interrupt the cycle, allow yourself to grieve instead of suppressing. Then, fill your schedule with activities that absorb attention and create new neural loops. Remove digital triggers – mute, unfollow, or block them if needed. Mindfulness training helps you notice the thought without spiraling into it. If it starts affecting your daily life, CBT or therapy can give structured techniques to take back mental control.
What are some ways to stop thinking about someone in a sexual way?
Sexual thoughts can feel intrusive when they’re unwanted. Redirect your mind by switching into physical activities like exercise, cold showers, or hobbies that demand focus. Avoid triggers such as late-night scrolling or explicit content tied to them. If these thoughts are linked to guilt, shame, or compulsive behavior, sex therapy or CBT can help reframe and reduce their frequency. With practice, your brain learns to release these loops more quickly over time.
How to stop thinking about someone who rejected me?
Rejection activates the brain’s pain centers, which is why it feels unbearable. To stop thinking about them, avoid stalking their social media and replaying conversations in your head. Replace that energy with self-improvement goals: fitness, creative projects, or new skills that build confidence. Journaling helps process the sting of rejection and shift focus from them back to yourself. If rejection leaves you feeling hopeless or worthless, therapy provides tools to rebuild self-worth and perspective.
How to stop thinking about someone who passed away?
Grief after someone passes away feels different from heartbreak – the bond has no closure. To cope, allow yourself to mourn openly: cry, write, or honor them with rituals like lighting a candle. Talking about them with others who cared keeps their memory alive in a healthier way. Grief counseling can help if the sadness feels unbearable or lasts for years. Over time, you don’t erase them – you carry their memory with love instead of constant pain.
How to stop thinking about someone who broke my heart?
When someone breaks your heart, your mind replays every detail, searching for answers. To stop, practice no-contact: remove reminders like old chats, photos, and playlists. Journaling your pain helps externalize it instead of keeping it inside. Replace the emotional loop with activities that build new joy, whether fitness, creative work, or travel. Talking to a therapist can help if the heartbreak keeps you stuck. Healing takes time, but each step weakens their hold on your mind.
What should I do if I can’t stop thinking about someone while in a relationship?
Thinking about someone else while already in a relationship can feel confusing and guilt-inducing. The first step is to reflect on why this person occupies so much mental space – is it nostalgia, unmet needs, or unresolved feelings? Suppressing it rarely works. Instead, talk honestly with your partner if it’s affecting the relationship. A therapist can also help you explore underlying reasons and guide you toward clarity. Healing is about honesty, not shame.
